a friend of mine told me a story about a man who became a woman. he told her that when they started giving him hormones, he learned very quickly what the real difference was between men and women.
according to her, when she was a man, his emotions were almost separate... like they were in a bucket next to him and he could pull out whatever emotion he wanted, whenever he wanted. OR NOT. that point is central here.
when he started getting hormones to be a woman, she couldn't separate them... they were all on her at once, and they were intense.
oh sweet heaven above what i wouldn't give to be able to deposit my emotions into a bucket and drop kick it into the other room. i've never been a player or a game player for that matter. i've always been a girl with her emotions right there on her sleeve--and oh yeah, they're often intense.
but sometimes, girls like me have an incident that changes us. we start being a little less compassionate and a little reckless. we learn to take that soft, lovely part of ourselves that makes us the "gem", the girl that anyone would be lucky to have and pack that shit up and send it to the Philippines. this is a defense mechanism and that is a jacked up Disney fantasy.
i'm going to remember that little bit about the bucket.
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