as simple as tulips...

DSC03993, originally uploaded by MisfitHue.

i did one of those "25 random things about me" lists on facebook the other day. i've been thinking about number 23: i love to get flowers, and i think that the most romantic place in st louis is the art museum.

i do love to get flowers. i'm a practical girl, but a hopeless romantic at heart. nothing quite sends me over the top like flowers arriving at work... especially tulips. that sort of action isn't really a part of my world these days, but that never stops me from surrounding myself with flowers anyway. hence the flowers in the picture.

and the art museum... yes, i love forest park and the view of the great basin from the steps of the museum. i'm also a big fan of the portrait room. i love to sit there and talk. the museum is so full passion and color, and it's got something for everyone... yup, that's the spot for me.

with whispers of valentine's day starting, i was thinking about how we show affection. when i was very young, i knew a guy who sent me flowers all the time, left notes on my car and took me to the art museum often. i think that sort of set the bar for me--not those specific actions, but the attention. my heart still skips a beat when i see paper under my windshield... of course, these days it's only a parking ticket.

thinking back, i can remember some very creative valentine's days... like a room full of balloons (which scare me to death, btw) and the contents of an entire soulard flower stand all through my apartment. a single rose and a kite... the thought of a spring day in the park? yeah, the kite was a winner.

things bought are nice, but i've always been a maker. whenever i can, i like to make a cake from scratch, make cards and i love making personalized coupons. (here's a little tip: if someone gives you coupons, use them... really.)

probably the worst valentine's day i ever had included a delightful dinner at charlie gitto's followed by Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf at the Rep. problem was the food poisoning i got half way through the second act. whew! that was awful, and i never have seen the end of that play.

i hear the rumblings of the coming holiday and i get a little sad. not because my only potential "date" is Max, the cat, but because we put so much stress on ourselves. too much money is spent and anxiety created, IMHO. a trip to a bed & breakfast would rock my world, but i don't think you can beat a little romance every day. and that can be as simple as a text... or slipping a note in a pocket.

it really isn't hard. it's as simple as tulips.

happy, but not quite right?

i love this song. i love this video. i love their sense of humor. i'm sharing this with you cuz i think it's totally worth the 2:31 to watch it. i may have done this before, and if i have... no apologies. here it is again.

Jr High Park

Jr High Park, originally uploaded by MisfitHue.

yesterday was a beautiful day!

more pics here

Aradia

Aradia, originally uploaded by MisfitHue.

i only wish Aradia's face were in focus. i love this shot. i took 430 pics last night and only came away 36 semi decent shots. if you look at them on FB or my flickr, i've not done any editing to them except cropping them. i shouldn't have bothered even trying to shoot the show, but i just couldn't help myself. then, walking away with this only hurts.

i need to bite the bullet, decide on a camera and just buy it.

a passing thought...

it is good to have something that you enjoy. it is better to have something that you are good at and you enjoy.

i attended a belly dance workshop today that was fantastic and taught me new ways to do moves... this is the way every workshop is for me. every single one has kicked my butt, but been worth every drop of sweat and every aching muscle.

at some point today, i realized that even though my life has been very confusing and generally unhappy as of late (gosh, that sounds pathetic), the one time that i am always happy is when i'm dancing.

dancing has never let me down. it rewards me for every ounce of effort i put into it. it's not just the fantastic friendships and the pretty costumes. there is a sense of pride in myself and a general joy that simply comes from somewhere deep inside.

i never thought that i'd have anything that i was good at. i'm not a pro or half as good as my heroes, but i am good. and it's something that i can call my own.

not all good...

i think that everyone in my life teaches me something... about humanity or myself. not all lessons are warm and fuzzy.

recently, i realized just how frustrating it is for me not to have any control in a situation. i've always found a way to compromise to get something i want. that's what i do, find an answer. but, sometimes i can't have what i want or there is no answer. i just didn't know when to throw in the towel. accepting failure, or i should say, not getting what i want, is a whole new idea to me... but, obviously one that i needed to learn.

i just wish some of these lessons didn't leave me feeling like a fool.

declaring myself...

i like to try new things. i don't like to sit still very long. i get a wistful expression if i ever think that i won't be able to try something. there's just too much to experience and too many things to see.

i had a PE teacher once who handed out sheets of paper with a list of things... sailing, fencing, traveling, cooking... oh it was a three column list on one side. she told us to look it over and bring it back next time with all the things we'd like to try checked off.

at the next meeting, she collected the papers and reviewed them. after class, she handed them back and explained that this was a bucket list of sorts to remind us to try new things. when she got to me, she said, "i don't think you understood. you checked everything." i laughed and said, "no, i just hope i live long enough."

that happened when i was maybe thirty and it's as vivid a memory as any i have. whenever someone asks me if i'd like to try something new, i remember the expression of disbelief on her face and i say yes. long ago i lost the list, but i never needed it anyway.

Why Not Now?

DSC03026, originally uploaded by MisfitHue.

So that's the question that followed me down the River Road. Why Not Now?

Change officially begins today for the US.

What about you?

driving home...

takes longer with me because i stop for lots of pics! Here is Quincy and Hannibal. And here is Lover's Leap, Clarksville, and the Missouri River Road...

gosh, what a beautiful and interesting day... why haven't i gone north before???

Fox Family Xmas

What a wonderful family! We swam, we ate ooodles of spaghetti and meatballs, we laughed...a lot! Check out the photos!

river rat...

i drove home from quincy, illinois, the long way, and what an interesting way it was.

after squirreling around quincy's nooks and crannies, i made a stop in hannibal. then, i took the missouri version of the great river road, highway 79 south to clarksville. eagle days were happening this weekend and even though i didn't expect any eagles, several were still circling the lock at 2:30 in the afternoon. after hanging on the river with lots of photogs, i shot off down 79 to st. peters, and that was nearly home.

i never saw myself as being attached to st louis, or even thinking i would ever miss it. indeed, if i left, there would be much that i could live without, but i would miss the river.

i have a very strong tie to the river. i like to take trips alone along it, and today, i spent some time contemplating mark twain's huckleberry finn and tom sawyer, and what it means living on the mighty mississippi.

when i need to think, i find water. standing on a bluff watching it rush by, i can hear a call to explore that tugs so hard on my heart it steals my breath. but, i don't like the idea of leaving the banks either.

when i tried to lay down roots, i always felt the tug of the current. in the middle of winter, i look to the eagles, and i can feel the wind beneath their wings. maybe that's why i never quite feel settled. do i stay or do i go? do i have the strength to see what is around the bend? i'm a pisces--two fish swimming in different directions... who can't make a decision.

when i'm near it, i'm not afraid. in fact, i'm insanely bold. i love to take two lane highways that over look it too fast and climb bluffs to see where the waters meet. i always push a little farther... step a little too close... just a little more.

however, i respect the river. i know that one time, i could go too far. it doesn't give a rat's rump about me, and that's okay.

getting my calm back....

i'm at stoney creek inn in quincy illinois. oh yes, i am, but for a while there, i wasn't so sure it was going to happen.

first, i woke up late. nothing like throwing the last of your stuff in a bag and dashing out the door willy nilly hoping that you remembered to lock the dead bolt and turn off the coffee pot.

work was okay, but it was a series of issues. love days like that... the printer has a snit fit, things languish and don't route as expected... ah, life's lovely little challenges.

so, here's the plan: meet up with my best friend and her fam in a mcdonald's parking lot in wentzville at 5. nooo problem.

well, before that could happen i needed to get through the obstacle course.

first, i discovered last night that, though i registered and paid for a digital photog and photo imaging class, i'm only registered in SLCC blackboard for business admin--a class i did not register to take. so, i dug around. in the banner web, where everything electronic lives, i'm registered for photo imaging and business admin. in blackboard, where i take my class, i'm only registered for business admin. so, i call to get it all fixed, since classes start tuesday. after 75 minutes in the hold loop--never speaking to a soul--i'm flipping out. i call and speak with several people in several departments, no one can help. i ended up faxing in a pleading sos page. it's still wrong.

we get off work at 3... i'm trying to wrap up stuff. of course, that didn't happen.

twenty minutes before i leave, my mom calls and she has been sick for the third time since xmas with that stomach thing that is traveling around the lou. there is a small family thing and a discussion that gets my blood pressure up just a bit.

okay, now i'm off.... i do 80 out to wentzville and believe it or not, i'm five minutes early. finally, the calm that i've become accustomed to in my life recently starts to creep back in.

let me tell you, i had one of my 3 meals at mcdonald's this year in the parking lot of the wentzville mcdonald's and damn! i went inside, something i never do. i was treated like a queen and out the door long before a drive thru order taken the same time. but, not only all this, but it was good. not just salty clog your arteries good, but the burger actually tasted like meat and the fries were salty heaven. wow. just saying, next time you want mcdonald's, i highly recommend the one in wentzville.

so, we met and took off. i listened to "alf leyla, wa leyla" about a million times for the dance choreography i'm working on. the drive was nice... long... quiet. then, i went random on my ipod and this is what i listened to for the last leg of the drive. i don't remember this song. why don't i remember this? it's beautiful.

i made it... and tumbled out and into the family... ah, so nice to be embraced by a family that i haven't seen in ten plus years... such a wonderful family... and the babies are growing into little people... how warm and delightful.

i walked into my room and there on my bed is a stuffed fox which i took a pic of, but forgot the cord to download. i've started chatting with him and have named him "jinx". i have a king size bed that is like heaven and a bathroom the size of my kitchen at home. there's floor space to practice my choreo and do yoga... and cable!

but, before i could unpack i was in my swimsuit and down to "the lake". my friend tc, her husband and their two kids, quinn and luke... into the pool we went! then the hot tub, then the sauna, then i went back into the pool to romp with the munchkins. we went under the little door and viola! we swam in the heated outdoor pool! 12 degrees... steam coming off the water and ice on the edges of the pool. it was so much fun!

then after some catching up with my buddy and another round in the hot tub and sauna... i came back to my little world... mmmmm that bed looks great... but the fitness room was empty and dark. so, i changed and snuck back downstairs. i was the only one, of course on a friday night, so i figured out how to use a treadmill and ran a mile. okay, this was maybe no big deal, but for me... one who doesn't run, it was HUGE! there have been so many people in my life running lately, i thought why not? well, my calves are killing me, but i have to admit it was very satisfying to do something that i have not a) done before and b) tried since eighth grade. i spent a half hour stretching when i got back to my room and if i can walk tomorrow, i want to try again.

it has been a long and strangely satisfying day. tomorrow, i get on that treadmill again, feast, swim, sauna, hot tub, feast, swim, sauna, hot tub, go to dinner, celebrate christmas...go to bed and make it home for salsa sunday night.

that king size bed is calling me and let me tell you... i got some catching up to do!

Like church bells that catch you off guard...

That was amazing.

Like the best concert you ever attended, and you lost your voice and a little of your hearing. Like the best party, where you met the most amazing people and laughed all night. Like that meal, you know, the perfect comfort food on a gun metal gray day. Like the best vacation that set the benchmark for all others. Like the delight in your lover's eyes when you haven't seen each other for too many days.

That was amazing.

wow

i recently committed to reigning in some of the personal stuff. i'll restart that tomorrow.

the most important relationship in my little human world ended today.

that's not earth shattering. it happens every day all over the world to a million people. in recent years, i even learned how to end them myself.

i used to think that nothing could touch some of the horrible things that i've experienced in my life. we have all faced some frightening and heart wrenching crap.

i'm here to admit, this one ranks at a whole new high on the shock and awe meter. there is having the rug pulled out from under and then there is pulling out the mountain when you're at the peak.

all i ask is that i hit the bottom soon, because i could use a little mercy now.

grounding overtones

there was a great story on npr yesterday about mosquitoes creating overtones when they are mating. that reminded me of chanting.

i know nothing about music, but i have always loved tibetan overtone singing. i've struggled with actually enjoying most tibetan music, but the overtone singing just grabbed me immediately. there is something about the depth and the way it resonates. it's fantastic to listen to when meditating. check it out.

a whole lotta lessons

it's a sin to kill a mockingbird cause it don't do nothin' but sit up there in that tree and sing its heart out....

saw a terrific production of to kill a mockingbird at the edison tonight. highly recommend it. i'd forgotten how many keen observances of the human character are in that play. for a short book, harper lee really packed it full of gentle reminders of humility. some books should be revisited after a bit of life has happened to you; this is one.

and the kids are fantastic, too. what a hoot!

on another note, since change is the only constant and the catch phrase of the year, this blog is going to experience changes, too. new year and all. it's only natural. nothing lasts forever. time to turn the page. s'all good.

i think we've got the cliches out of our system and can go on now.

so, how about those cardinals this year? saw a great fan sign, "finally a cold day in hell." you got that right, buddy.

setting the tone for the year with art nouveau...

choosing a calendar is a way for me to set the tone and intention of my year. the passage of days will be marked this year with the art of Alphonse Mucha. (above "Dusk")

after a semester of drawing the human body, i enjoy Mucha even more. i appreciate the aloof, but profound sensuality... his use of color and strong lines, always inviting. the movements of his ever-serene women are as strong as the current pulling you away from a tropical island.

when deciding on a piece to add to this blog, i found an artist who is inspired by Mucha and who i intend to look into further. Dario Stefanou did the pure temptation apple advertising piece below...

one thousand and one nights of passion in one night...

in the time that have been belly dancing, I have always defended that it's a dance of modesty... an expression of cultural dance forms first and foremost. to be specific, no, i'm not a stripper.

yes, yes, it's sexy. the american media and many dancers have done a dandy job of helping to enforce that exotic dancer, raised eyebrow look that i've been shrugging off and disregarding for years. but, i feared admitting its sensuality because so often it's like an abyss you fall into then respect can be nearly impossible.

tonight, i began a choreography that goes beyond laying down the moves with good technique and knowing the feeling of the music. after years of drilling and practice, i'm ready to add sexy and not just to help me have better technique. see earlier post...

the dance we started tonight is a love song, and we are dancing passion and love and sex and desire and urgency and... oh my! right there in our choreography along with all the mayas and shimmys... full out passion.

the choreography feels beyond the count. the music plays like satin sliding off a naked body. the moves flow from that reckless kiss that creates an instant knowing.

this is more than just dancing and i can hardly wait to unveil it.

Me and Mom

Me and Mom, originally uploaded by MisfitHue.

happy holidays, Mom!

chihuly at the garden

DSC02828, originally uploaded by MisfitHue.

i think this may indeed be my favorite piece of art in the lou. this is the chihuly hanging over the entrance at mobot.

forgive your faux pas by having a wee bit of a spa day...

i want to thank the person personally who writes the yahoo horoscopes. i think my horoscope prescribed daydreaming for 16 out of 31 days in december. this morning, i read the following.

"Lavish yourself with love and attention today! Go on, you deserve some pampering. And if your budget allows, buy yourself something you have been wanting for a while. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else, so make sure you are happy. If you are in a relationship right now, make sure you aren't making your life all about this other person. You need your own identity. And if you are not in a relationship right now, make the most of your independence."

a note about nye... i do love a party and i'm all about friends, but i remembered something funny this morning. i like to think of january 1 as a fresh start--what happened in 08 stays in 08... you are free to go. i look to the new year with convictions of healthy living and being more conscientious, yet the first thought i had this morning was, "i can't believe i said that" followed by "i had too much to drink last night." this is how i've started more than one gleaming, fresh new year and the irony of it simply cracks me up.