stand back...

my brain is getting crowded and i need to let some of it go...

i believe the economy is not only rocked and rattled by credit tanking and foreclosures running rampant, but that someone needs to take a serious swing at the insurance pinata. the cost of health insurance for an individual to a small business to the corporate chains has a strangle hold on us, and we need to untie this knot now.

i cleaned out my cube at work, left three pics, my extraordinary chicken calendar, a couple knickknacks and my mini slinky. i decided that i needed to make room for change. my comfort zone was too entrenched, and i'm trying to force myself to make a move of some sort after six years. it's a little weird, but i feel very free. oddly, i had a very creative and productive week after i did that.

i've got an idea for a random shot of the day type thing of people's bumpers in traffic. you guys have some damn creative bumper stickers. plus, in one day i was behind two other peace frogs (i have one). i felt blessed.

my lease is up next month and the new lease came in the mail for year three. i love my little room. a studio is so little trouble, and i have awesome amenities in a great neighborhood. but, it'd be nice to have a bedroom with a real bed. i miss a bed. i'd also love to have a little space with no upstairs elephants with drunk friends.

i've thought about moving to west county. GAH! someone shoot me! but it'd be closer to work, which would be good when the office moves next to the dump in earth city... if i'm still employed there. plus, i could get a pretty decent space in a habitrail.... with a pool and other sundry crap that sounds so nice. but it's far from the city and that makes me sad.

plus, there's also this other thing in my head. i've been thinking about leaving town. i could, but just because i could is not necessarily a reason to. but, i've been thinking about moving to boston or there about. i should probably take a little trip that way this summer. i do still have this crazy dream about going to bangor, yes maine, yes i know. i know.

any move is probably a year off anyway... last year i was thinking about moving, but i met someone and was curious about where that might go. well, now i find myself flying solo again asking myself the same damn questions about what i want out of life and reminding myself that not making a decision is still making a decision, and dumb ass, life is short. sooo tired of having this conversation with myself.

my birthday is coming up. that only adds to the fire. forty was a walk in the park. this one sort of has me rattled. but...

on the upside, there is good news on the debt front... just saying... it feels freaking wonderful! now, if only wall street would get its ass back in gear and help me pull my other leg out of this hole.

stream of conscious writing... wow.