Wednesday, February 11, 2009

focus, focus, wha?

i can't focus. i don't know why and it's driving me out of my mind.

i have books everywhere that i want to read.

i have two fantastic photography classes.

i have a cool project on my desk at work.

i have research to do and people to email.

i have some cool shit potentially brewing.

but nothing is getting done.

and it's been like this for too long. my distraction is exhausting and beginning to freak me out. i've always been insanely focused, but about four years ago, i noticed that wasn't going so well for me. i've been on a steady decline, but able to gimp along with brief stretches of focus. however, this past month has begun to scare me.

all i want is for a few things to settle down in my life. i need a little routine. please, keeper of the universe, stop yanking my chain. just about the time that i feel like i'm going to get that steady feeling again... the one that makes me feel balanced and ready to conquer the world... a piano falls on my head.

it's getting depressing.

i don't want to talk about it. i want some terra firma. i want to get my groove back.

but, i've tried all of my regular tricks... made lists, cleared my schedule, exercised, meditated, yoga, made friends, readjusted my goals... and where am i?


CaptainCanuck said...

I know you mentioned lists but a friend of mine (not me) as a site that I find useful:

I use it to plan my weekends and evenings. It is great for some clarity of plan and it's fun to check items off.

KymberlieBlu said...

thank for the link, captain! your endorsement can't be beat... i'll try it! ;-)

Will said...

I've found that, no matter how many lists, or plans I make, no matter how I organize, sometimes (like lately) there are just too many things on my mind. (Or one thing in particular.)

Lately, I feel a need to go off and vent, commit violent aggression upon the world. Safely, in a controlled environment. Like paintball. or, on the 26th, Laser tag over in Belleville. Carnage with lights. Even if it doesn't put me on the track, i at least feel better about myself, and regain a little bit of fun that I've been so desperately missing.