Wednesday, June 25, 2008

i must have done something really awful in my past life

Periodically, Karma likes to knock on my door and remind me of the impermanent nature of all things.

But, sometimes it comes with a simultaneous lesson of Karma that you just can't get past and permanence seems to be its only quality.

Let me clarify.

Impermanence. I've grown to fancy myself a bit of a photographer. But, just the other day, the cleaning Nazi in me kicked in. I decided to get rid of some duplicate photos because I keep finding that iPhoto has duplicate files EVERYWHERE!

I had over 30 gigs in photos and I decided it was time to get the ducks in a row. What I learned was that it does matter which file you try to trash. I lost a good 6,000 photos and my iPhoto is now moving like molasses in February.

Impermanence. Learn to let go of the photos, kid. I know this logically, and yes, I'm feeling the pangs of some loss. But, all in all, it was a lesson learned and I'm quick to get to the clean up stage.

Now the other lesson is more difficult. The other lesson is the monkey on my back. This is rooted worse than a field of dandelions and its only gift is shame.

In this case, Karma has a lovely and ever so delicate way of padding up behind me and whacking me over the head with a cast iron reminder that I cannot leave this behind.

And this is the Karma I hate. Everything that I have ever gained in my life, I would give up to be rid of this.

One day, it may win. And that is my fear.

No comments: