starting again in 2010...

how many times can i start over?

how many times can i clean the slate and clear away the clutter of yesterday?

how many times must i pose the questions before i find a real answer?

i believe in my potential.

i believe that i am realizing my dreams.

i believe love, passion, and playfulness can live in the same heart.

i believe that a kiss can reflect the soul.

i believe in taking your hand and taking a risk.

i believe in this moment and living here in it.

i believe in myself, and i believe in you.

it's never too late or too soon to tell you i care.

in this past year, i've learned who i can be, what i can do, what i want and what i don't. i've learned how be comfortable in my own skin and how not to need or feel obligated to someone.

this year has given me the highest highs and crushing lows. i cried when i realized a life long dream, and again, when i finally accepted what i fought and denied to distraction.

there were times when i didn't think that things could get worse... and they did. but, then it was countered by something unbelievably exciting. the work i've done is paying off, and the future is coming into focus.

thank you for sticking with me this year... for jumping on the crazy kymberlie wagon and tightening your seat belt. i can't wait to see what is ahead!

i wish you a very happy new year...
kymberlie

ps.. it's a blue moon into 2010. the next one isn't until 2028. take a moment to look up and enjoy it!

pps... the picture is of me sitting on the rocks on the coast of maine. the waves were crashing and just to the left of that island in the distance is the atlantic. since i was a teenager, i've dreamed of being right there. i sat on that rock for a very long time watching the sun peak through the clouds and brighten the ocean... i was truly at peace.

a couple of notes...

IMG_8632, originally uploaded by MisfitHue.

this is my favourite pic from robert and jessica's wedding. when the officiant announced them, jess actually turned and pumped that bouquet.

jess is a hoot, and i'm so very happy to have her in the family. i'm also glad because rob seems to be especially partial to her, and well, that does help.

next, because i'm set on tormenting myself, i've signed up for the january nablopomo. yes, make no mistake, i'm certifiable.

the theme for january is "best". i am allowed to interpret that in any way and... i will. who knows what is to come, but it's sure to be a daily treat.

christmas is over, and i have to admit, it was lovely, but i'm pleased as punch that it is winding down. i am grateful for everyone and enjoyed all the laughter and food! however, at some point, the sparkle sort of wore thin amidst the rushing to get everywhere.

now, i'm looking toward 2010. i'm not one for resolutions. i prefer to set a goal. this year, i've a few, but the big one is simple--move to freelance and photography: get out of the cubical. i've got 365 days plus 2. let's see what i can do. you know how i love a challenge.

future of the orient

IMG_5162, originally uploaded by MisfitHue.

i see a lot of "different" styles of dance, and what i refer to as performance art that is birthed from middle eastern dance.

at the show that i shot earlier in december, this guy came out on stage and did something with a crystal ball. he rolled it all over and managed to keep it spinning, then he added fire. not dancing, but graceful as all get out and in a crazy, unexpected way, it impressed me. you can click the photo for more pics.

there are many levels of talent and performance... i try to keep an open mind. :)

merry hoho!

DSC02308, originally uploaded by MisfitHue.

i'd like to wish you all a happy holiday! no matter what you celebrate, how you celebrate, or even, if you celebrate... take a minute to stop and look around. just be in the moment and shift your perspective. look at the world through the glow of christmas lights.

isn't it lovely?

remember... love is a verb--exercise your right to hug at least once a day, either before or after you brush your teeth, but don't forget!

xoxo... peace is fuzzy socks on a cold and rainy christmas eve!

ps... happy birthday, dad! i love you and miss you...

a merry misfit...

i tend to see myself as a Hermey or a Bumble or Rudolph... i never quite fit the norms, and i'm snug and comfy on my isle of misfits.

this is my first holiday as an officially single woman in 26 years. that seems a little odd to say, but this is the first one without a serious boyfriend, fiance, or husband. i wasn't sure what it'd be like; turns out, it's a non-event other than my marking it here. but, i think it's worth noting because, well, it's something very new and different.

i have learned this year that i didn't know jack. i've never been about xmas from the mall; however, i've been a mad little elf baking and knitting and painting and ohhhhh! but, this year, i'm quite simply not "doing" a thing... i was troubled by this for weeks. then... the lesson emerged.

i thought that i knew what was important, but instead of the insane elfing (yes, it's a verb), this month has been full of developing new friendships and being a friend to my oldest and dearest. there have been hours at dinner, over cocktails, and marathon emails, texts, and phone calls. this has been the best holiday season ever!

the gift i have is my time... time to listen, time to hug, time to celebrate and toast--YOU! and the gift you give me... is that you join me in my merry goofiness!

and now? i'm going to toddle off into the heart of the isle of misfits--to the kitchen to whip up some xmas bark and cookies because it's snowing outside and i want to fatten you up for the winter!

Happy Birthday!

i know that it is extra late in the maritimes, but i'd like to wish a very happy 70th birthday to Mr. Easter. i hope that your birthday is a memorable and delightful event. it has been my great pleasure to get to know you through your blog and the stories your son has shared with me... i wish you great joy and many blessings.

my best...
kymberlie

life is not a dress rehearsal...

a long time ago, i had friend named Lisa. i met her through Lama Lobsang. she came for yantra yoga and sunday evening puja. we chatted and there were lots of giggles in yoga. we were both a part of the kitchen table discussions that led to the Blue Beryl Dharma Center.

then life offered Lisa a new path. She went to Thailand on a vacation and while she was there she found her calling. when she came back, it was obvious that her heart was in Thailand and her life as she knew it before the trip was over. ultimately, it was very difficult in some ways for Lisa as she was married at the time and her husband was not going to move.

i was absolutely in awe of her certainty. i couldn't believe that changes so drastic and deeply emotional could be made. but, as i learned only a couple of years later... that is exactly what life is about.

today, Lisa is the director of the Thai Freedom House. i hardly recognize her in photos anymore, but finding your passion is the true fountain of youth. once we do that and grab the reigns of our life, all the baggage of our stuckness falls away.

Lisa's heart is huge and the depth of her willingness to help... remarkable. if you can help the Thai Freedom House... that would be appreciated. regardless... take a look at the website if you have a moment and thanks for stopping to read this. :)

Reno and me

i joined a gym.

haha, yes. if you know me, you may now pick yourself up off the floor and stop laughing. i've barely used it in the two weeks i've been a member. i also bought four sessions with a personal trainer... hahaha. see above.

let's revisit why there are people laughing right now.

i hate doing anything that has the word reps associated with it. if you say, do (insert number). i think you're a boring old bird and before we get to 10, i'm already making the grocery list. i need to be engaged creatively. yeah. that's it.

i don't run, either. i run to ice cream trucks and from fires. you've all heard me say that. why? because in grade school, i got torn to shreds by miss applebaum for not being able to keep up with the rest of the class--this is what happens to fat kids. she also tormented me relentlessly about not being able to climb the rope and most of all for not performing my nemesis... the pull up. she even made the class stay after one day until i did all ten of them. bitch.

i was 75 lbs heavier and was never confident enough to go anywhere near a gym. i've always been the fat kid, fat girl... girl with a great sense of humour... blah, blah, blah. attractive people went to the gym.

add it all up and there you have my reasons for not going to the gym.

i would, however, dance, jazzercise, yoga, skate and walk all over the world.

in 2006, bam! weight fell off. was it the right time in my life? were the stars aligned? i got on weight watchers on a lark and it worked like a charm. though i'm pretty sure that last ten pounds is never going to come off. what the hell, 75 is damn good.

back to Reno. he's my insanely soft spoken, kind, young, optimistic and hot (in a 23-year old way) trainer.

i've seen him twice. both times it took 3 or 4 days for me to be able to move without groaning. we've had lovely chats about exercise and diet and what i've been doing with my life and how i ended up at the gym.

i DON'T have an answer to that one, Reno. my best answer is that i've lost the weight, and i want to explore some options here. plus, everyone that i know is running or riding a bike. i want to look better in that damn bedlah i dance in. that bedlah torments me.

Reno, who i do not blame, reviewed my "week of food" log. he was very impressed. (i'm apparently more knowledgeable than your average bear about food and exercise. this is my only glowing moment in the gym.)

however, even though i'm a shop the outside of the grocery girl who consumes fish, fruits and veggies more than most wildlife... it's not enough. good grief, man! he's tweaking my diet even more. but, that's cool too--i'm all about making the diet better. i could border on health nut if i didn't have some unexplained affinity for pizza rolls.

my only complaint with the lovely Reno is that between sessions i'm not doing anything but dancing--if i can move. he doesn't use the machines, so i'm doing push ups, lunges, and all manner craziness in the basement with the football sized dudes. holy moley! did you read that? the heavens just broke open and pigs are flying.

so far, i'm glad i signed on. but, i've got to admit, it's still really hard to go into that gym alone. i've not done it yet, but when i post this blog, i'm going to change and try again. i still feel like the fat girl that miss applebaum taunted and chastised.

but, damn it. i earned this. i will find a way. i always do.

lunch chatter...

a friend and i went to lunch today, and of course, dating came up.

we were talking about how for all our "feminist" and "independent" ways, we get a little tired of being tour director and life planner in our lives. i think it's awesome when a guy asks me if there is something that i'd like to do, but to be honest, i'd love it if he'd start things out by making the plans. soon enough, as i got to know him, i'd be at the table with all sorts of ideas. probably too many. seems odd maybe, but i've heard this from others.

the funny things is that when i was dating before i was married, i didn't date. i dislike "dating". i was a group dater... i always met people in groups. one on one, i sort of go a little deer in the headlights--i seem to forget how to ask questions and communicate. it's worse if i like someone. for someone as chatty as me, that's nearly false advertising.

the other thing we were talking about is that "screening" process known as the on line profile. my friend reminded me that when we were dating without the internet, when we met a guy, we didn't know his political views or list of interests--it wasn't printed on a flyer he'd hand to you at the bar. but, we did know if there was attraction. we probably knew from across the room.

it could be sort of like romeo and juliet, or randy and julie from the movie valley girl. he could be a punk rocker... and me... well, not exactly a valley girl, but you get the idea. one never knows-sparks could fly between the least likely of pairs.

then, i agreed that taking it one date at a time is a philosophy i can live with, and we polished off some tasty eggs benedict.

walking 40/64

IMG_2484, originally uploaded by MisfitHue.

they are opening the highway tomorrow and i am beside myself with joy. i kid you not, this is a highlight of my crazy, unpredictable, havoc-wrecking year.

so i went out into the cold. i walked the highway. i took pictures of my city-mates. then i bent down, kissed the ground and thanked the universe that i survived these last two years without harming anyone in my daily fits of road rage.

here are the pics.

model shoot

IMG_8969 copy, originally uploaded by MisfitHue.

trying to pick one of these to post was really hard. i really dig a lot of these shots. this shoot was so much fun, it's insane.

the event was at the artist's guild in clayton. there were 4 girls and 4 locations set up. there was one place that i didn't get to shoot but a couple shots and i was really bummed. there was a guy who monopolized the room, so i found other creative ways to work and never got back.

the meetup group that organized this had all the lighting and it was the first time i worked like this. i LOVED it. i felt really good about working with the girls. there were only a couple of us women who were "on the floor" shooters. (that is i call someone who is willing to work the room and not just stand in one spot, point and shoot.)

what was fun about really engaging the models was that they would visibly loosen up and start to enjoy themselves. i learned a lot about giving direction--the girls were pros and could take minimal direction from me. this is something i really, really need to work on and desperately want to, but am not sure how.

i'm not kidding you... the 3 hours flew by and they had to literally turn out the lights on me. click the picture for more shots!

throw down...

i've been meaning to post this series for a while and was recently inspired move it up the list.

i flew into portland, got to the pier, and started walking... first shots i took on my maine trip were of this guy.

oh yeah, he was miffed. it took two serious efforts to get the anger out, apparently. i forgave him for the sneer he gave me after i shot this series. i'm a sucker for moppy hair and a scruffy face.

i walked to the end of the peer and watched these guys a little more, but brooding dude never got back on that board. he just sat down and stared at it while everyone else avoided going anywhere near him.

whupsie...

i was doing so well. then i blogged about doing well.

naturally, i tanked after that and even managed to miss the last day of the month. whupsie... i got distracted.

NaBloPoMo was a blast and i'll continue it though there are no more prizes until next november. who needs prizes? i don't need no stinkin prizes. i need BUCKS! :)

personal note: i alluded to good things happening a bit ago. i will continue to allude though i've been asked a couple times... i allude, mon ami! but, i will tell you this... i like the direction things are headed. :)

i know that song...

strolling the boardwalk in Halifax, i heard this awful singer. it was obvious that he had some skill on that guitar, but he sounded a little bit like a lost and lonely beagle.

who am i to judge? have you ever heard me sing? yeah. there is a reason for that...

so, i walked up and down the boardwalk taking photos and pushing this dudes voice out to the distance--his playing was kinda nice. i took this shot from the end of the boardwalk.

eventually, words started to pierce my ears and i recognized the song. his voice was cracking and the clarity of the words wafted in and out like a breeze in a vacant house.

all he sang were sad love songs and every one sounded the same. no one tossed a cent into that case, and as i approached him, he never looked at me.

he just kept watching the end of the boardwalk.

the power of light...

i get excited and my momentum is overwhelming. few can understand it, fewer can handle it, and it's usually a let down for me.

i'm a freaking tsunami heading for the beach every time i start a project or meet a guy. moderation isn't in my vocabulary. if i'm in, i'm in up to my neck. this is why i'm always busy and simultaneously single.

i recently described myself to someone. i said, "it's hard to get my attention, but once you do, it's like being caught in the lighthouse beacon. darlin, if that light can cut through dense fog, it could slice you to pieces."

sometimes it takes more than one...

i never really watched sex in the city. i've seen maybe 5 episodes and a couple of those twice because that's just my silly luck.

as with any entertainment with a group of characters, people usually identify with one character more strongly than the others. for me, it's an amalgam of all four. depending on the day... i could be blasting the optimism like charlotte or laying down the cynicism like miranda or getting comfy in my independence and finding my way like carrie.

last night, i was telling a story over cocktails and i realized that i might just be crossing lines--not in a bad way necessarily. hmmm, this was a prime samantha moment. i enjoy those. she's my favourite character. ha!

i like that about myself. it's something i'm actually proud of--that i'm not entirely consistent every day. i'm not super trendy, or uber practical, or over the top racy--every day. it's sort of a grab bag and i realize the inconsistency can drive some mad, but i really enjoy the variety it creates in my life.

i'm just saying... it takes all kinds to make my personal world go round. the more diversity, the clearer i think. i don't understand it either, but it works for me!

funny how things work out...

this was one of the best thanksgivings that i've ever had. i've heard the legend of this sort of day.

i've a love-hate relationship with the holidays. i'm a festive girl who loves the hubbub. that's just how i roll. i dig decorating the place with trinkets of the harvest, breathing in the smell of a turkey, and the inevitable pumpkin pie topped with whipped cream. but, there has always been so much stress--buckets full of ulcer-creating expectation, both real and imagined. i hate the holidays.

this year, my family thanksgiving was canceled at the last minute as my mom got a touch of food poisoning. i felt terrible that she was sick... much as i'd have liked to lounge around and not have to move, i'd never, ever wish sickness on anyone, especially my mom!! (she is better, btw. i talked to her an hour ago and she was quite chatty.)

so when she called at noonish, i was a little stunned to find myself free. the possibilities rose like a swarm of happy honey bees. what to do? what to do?

well, i thought, i've got sweet potato souffle and a pumpkin pie that i've already made for the family dinner... and, i've a little turkey that i bought a while ago. (just last weekend i decided to give the bird away because i didn't see myself ever cooking it--so glad i didn't.) i also had a bag of fresh cranberries and an orange for cran-relish. what the hell! i've got thanksgiving dinner!

now that i'd committed to making a turkey and doing my own private shindig, it occurred to me that i had a friend that just might not have plans. luckily, he was free and agreed to come for dinner. so, i deemed this my little thanksgiving train wreck and made no promises on how it would turn out!

well, dinner wasn't until after eight, but we sipped champagne and caught up... periodically prodding little Tom to see how he was cooking. it was truly wonderful to enjoy the evening and laugh without fretting. there was no pressure that everything had to be perfect and that everything possible be represented at the table. this was so easy!

i'm thankful--very thankful. i'm thankful that my mom is feeling better and her illness seems to be passing. i'm thankful for all the wonderful peeps in my life--several of which i chatted with and texted with today--and i'm thankful for my health and the opportunities in my life.

but tonight, i'm thankful for my friend who shared dinner with me and helped make this one of the most lovely thanksgivings evah!

notes....

quick note... i'm waiting for dvds to burn before i go to bed.

this was a most interesting day.

i was going to post a video of a song, but today was about tomorrow and that song is about yesterday.

i am looking forward and that is a refreshing change. tomorrow holds a lot of possibility built on a very positive today.

we will see, my friend. we will see.

shimmies and stuff...

and we play... the fraternity of shimmies. that's us.

we danced at the fair trade market yesterday. this was my first "festival" of sorts. i've always danced in workshop or recital shows. i've done a couple restaurants and haflas, but never anything like this.

it was fun and it was different. the audience has a different feel--most people don't know the difference in the styles of dance or music and that is just fine by me. i like that Nissa puts on a diverse show... i think it's fun for everyone.

the market was really cool, too. i plan to go back next weekend to see Los Flamencos, my favourite flamenco dancers and musicians. i'll also be snagging some of those lovely scarves one of the vendors was selling!

a friend and i went to see a bollywood film after the fair trade, and i thought it was pretty good. i still say that a bollywood movie would be a great place for a flash mob. also, some of the really tasty music was done by a canadian band.

yes, i also know that i missed yesterdays post. my bad, i totally dropped the ball. i was working on the wedding pics, finishing them up till 3 am, and i just forgot... gah! i'm apologizing to the interwebs.

but i'm actually looking forward to this holiday week... hoping to catch up on some back logged photos and get through some general house keeping... like the mail. i tried to volunteer, but no one that i called needed anymore help. i was really bummed and am deciding now where to volunteer for xmas. no procrastinating!

tired and sassy...

it's been sort of a long day. it ended really well with a pretty good run of animated shorts at the SLIFF. i've a good friend who is fun to see shorts with as he always sees things that i don't. i like that. ;-)

the day started out well, too. i shot the eighth grade class at St. Marks while they made pizzas that they sold for a fundraiser. nearly six hundred! good for them! it was a lot of fun and they needed shots for the memory book that they are publishing. i'm just really glad that i could help. what awesome kids and parents and teachers!

i only regret that i didn't start a food fight.

almost done...

whenever i process photos, i get emotional. that's just the way i roll. i love to see the expression in a person's face... the emotions.

this couple is amazing.

slap happy glenda sees the shorts...

dude, i'm so tired, but i drug myself out of bed to write this. it's going to be brief. *snarky snarl*

that's just a ruse. actually, i did drag myself out of bed to get this post done, but i'm not feeling at all snarky. i had a perfectly lovely evening.

i saw the dramatic shorts with a friend and they were fantastic. i think there was only one bum in the batch, so to speak. they've all left me thinking and that's what i was hoping for. last year, there were a couple that were disturbing, one especially. this year, there was only one that got under my skin in an uncomfortably close to home way. but, i digress.

i was surprised to see debrah harry show up as a shrink in a pretty spiffy thriller of sorts. the only other time i saw her on film was in videodrome--the only movie that i've ever walked out on. she was much better this time.

if you haven't gone to SLIFF, there is still time this weekend! and, if you can drag a friend who is fun to chat with, well that's just whip cream and a cherry on top!

and now... off to bed before i turn into slap happy glenda, the good witch.

bonus post...

i decided last weekend that i really want to do more volunteering. sometimes, things get a little too me-centric and i remember that i've forgotten others. i really do hate that about myself and have to try to combat that laziness. i mean, it's not like i'm scrooging my friends or anything, i've just been hiding in my little bunny hole too long.

i remembered that last year i'd exclaimed that i was crazy for not volunteering over thanksgiving and the holidays. now that i'm not married or attached in any way... my plans are pretty open. i'll see mom, but since we don't really do a big meal anymore... i sort of miss the bustle of having the holidays, but not the headaches!!!!

i began my search sunday night... and just an hour ago, four days later, i found a source. you have no idea how hard it has been to find a place to lend a hand on thanksgiving. geez. the event through work is full... online was a vast wasteland of non-information. i really thought that i'd find a ton online... but i was so wrong.

finally in desperation i went to the newspaper website. bambambam. looky there! a link to a plethora of opportunities!! when in doubt do it the old fashioned way.

tomorrow, i'm calling a center for women in transition... a halfway house for women who were incarcerated. i hope that they need me. :)

they say it's your birthday...

so the problem with facebook is that unless you are friends with someone, you can't write on their wall.

instead, i'll just do it bigger and badder and louder right here... AND there's no glitter.

today is my friend, Mike's birthday. he's forty! unbelievable. welcome to the party, dude.

i wish you many, many years of joy and success, and i hope that you are enjoying your day.

now save your energy cuz if it ever stops raining and we get a nice night, i'm buying you a beer and taking you to boschertown. i OWE you.

blog a little blog...

so, i've managed to get a blog up here every day during the month--even if the dates don't necessarily state it. as far as i'm concerned, it isn't the end of the day till i go to bed, and well, despite my best efforts, that is rarely before midnight.

i have to say that doing this little exercise has felt far more attainable than nanowrimo and the 50,000 words in a month. that was daunting and i managed to forget to write for days. i like the habit that this has created. i might just keep it up.

and since it feels naked to put up a post without a picture these days... this is my mom and me at my cousin's wedding in september. she was very happy that night, and i'm glad she had fun.

apparently, the photographers that my cousin hired took a lot of photos of me dancing. i think if my mom could track down the guy who took them, she'd try to fix me up--she's convinced he had his eye on me. i think it was the fact that my dress was bright green tie-dye. i sort of popped out of the sea of black cocktail dresses.

i've never been very good at blending in.

a rainy monday...

i follow an artist's blog; his name is Jesse and he lives in California. he posted this yesterday... i really like the video itself as much as the song. it reminds me of the time in my life when i wanted to create music videos... i might've made something like this... it isn't earth shattering or ground breaking, but i think it expresses the song well.

what i like:
the use of textures
that it's in black and white
the way it uses slow motion to contrast the techno
the use of reflection
the way each scene's focal point is created... the woman's wrinkled hands against black background, the woman in a black coat with a grayed background, the shift in focus from the building to the man's face...
the consistent patience of the pace to tell the story-that it never breaks the pace
isolating the individual from life's continuing pace
and the diversity of people used.

and i really love the lyrics.

editing day...

this feels like a day that never really started, but i've been deeply submerged in the editing JDed and Deanna's wedding. I've only gotten as far as getting ready, which is about 2pm. i still have 7 hours worth to edit.

i had told them that i'd hoped to have everything finished this weekend. not a chance. but, i have something for them and that's a start.