Most days in a year I can keep the Oh Woe Is Me Baby locked up. Unfortunately, there are days it escapes and I end up chasing the mental martyr around my grey matter maze.
I used to think this was just the way everyone behaved—PMS, if you will. Then I was diagnosed with PCOS, of which hormonal imbalance is the mother ship issue. Just to add to normal periodically raging hormones.
Holy shit. Shoot me now.
I’m a trooper and a believer in positive, head down, just-do-itness and I’m in no way a worst case or even a bad case scenario. But there are days when the best I can do is cry for three hours and dig into comfort food, which I’m sorry to say, on the worst of days includes Mickey Ds. And I almost always strike out at people I care about which is the most painful part.
Thank the powers of the universe, I have lots of really loud house music to beat it out of me. I’ll keep my mouth shut and tonight, I will dance really, really hard.
And in the battle between my light and dark, I’ll say a little prayer to any ears that are listening that damage control is manageable.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Planning Ahead
as posted on from down here (click title)
Dear Red States:
We’ve decided we’re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we’re taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren’t aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the Northeast. It may even include Florida and Ohio — they are seriously considering it. We’ve given them until Nov. 4th to decide. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country. Since we’re dropping the middle states we’re calling it United America, or simply the U.A.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma, and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. You can take Ted Nugent. We’re keeping Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel. You get WorldCom. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get Ole’ Miss. We get Harvard and 85 percent of America’s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms, and the highest concentration of pregnant unwed teenagers. Please be aware that the U.A. will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we’re going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they’re apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don’t care if you don’t show pictures of their children’s caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, really we do, but we’re not willing to spend our resources in Bush’s Quagmire. We’d rather spend it on taking care of sick people, and educating our children.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country’s fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95 percent of America’s quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias, and condors, all the Ivy League and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we’re discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 61 percent of you crazy Redies believe you are people with higher morals then we Bluies.
Finally, we’re taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
Blue States
[This letter was received courtesy of my sister and brother-in-law who know a good deal when they spot one.]
Posted by MyEye on Tuesday, October 21st, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Dear Red States:
We’ve decided we’re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we’re taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren’t aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the Northeast. It may even include Florida and Ohio — they are seriously considering it. We’ve given them until Nov. 4th to decide. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country. Since we’re dropping the middle states we’re calling it United America, or simply the U.A.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma, and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. You can take Ted Nugent. We’re keeping Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel. You get WorldCom. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get Ole’ Miss. We get Harvard and 85 percent of America’s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms, and the highest concentration of pregnant unwed teenagers. Please be aware that the U.A. will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we’re going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they’re apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don’t care if you don’t show pictures of their children’s caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, really we do, but we’re not willing to spend our resources in Bush’s Quagmire. We’d rather spend it on taking care of sick people, and educating our children.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country’s fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95 percent of America’s quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias, and condors, all the Ivy League and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we’re discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 61 percent of you crazy Redies believe you are people with higher morals then we Bluies.
Finally, we’re taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
Blue States
[This letter was received courtesy of my sister and brother-in-law who know a good deal when they spot one.]
Posted by MyEye on Tuesday, October 21st, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
If a tree falls in the forest...
I’ve taken up this new thing. I’m hiking. I’m just a novice mucking about on well-marked trails in state parks, but almost without any control, I keep going out there. (click the blog title for some pics.)
Today, I tried something different. I went on a Tuesday in October. It was eerily isolating and somewhat disturbing when the leaf cover on the trail was so thick that I actually lost the trail briefly. I sufficiently freaked myself out. But, I will go back.
Being on my own, calling my own shots without being accountable to anyone… whether real or imagined… is a new thing. And for some reason, I’m expressing my newfound freedom in the state parks. How auspicious that I should go today… it would have been my 7-year wedding anniversary.
There was a time when October 1st hit and I went over the edge. There was Halloween, my anniversary, the cool weather, the leaves, my mom and dads anniversary—and it was one of the busiest times at work! Not enough weekends or plans or hours for errands and tasks! I never felt like I was really enjoying this sacred month.
It is now more than halfway through October, and I have to admit that it has been the most action packed, exciting and delicious one so far. Not only have I done a laundry list of fun and fabulous things, but I’ve done them at my pace either alone or with people I care about and with no self constructed monkey on my back.
I don’t think that I’ve ever been this content—all the way to my bones. Sure, there is this and that I should be doing, sleeping more for one. I have problems, not so small, nagging at me. But, the end total is serenity. I’ve never been so in the present, so relaxed, so clear.
Even when I went into a panic this morning, when I realized that I was utterly alone on the trail, it wasn’t a panic that maintained control. The noise that rose up in my brain quickly subsided and I heard the blue jays and the titmouse.
That was when I knew that it was all going to be okay.
Today, I tried something different. I went on a Tuesday in October. It was eerily isolating and somewhat disturbing when the leaf cover on the trail was so thick that I actually lost the trail briefly. I sufficiently freaked myself out. But, I will go back.
Being on my own, calling my own shots without being accountable to anyone… whether real or imagined… is a new thing. And for some reason, I’m expressing my newfound freedom in the state parks. How auspicious that I should go today… it would have been my 7-year wedding anniversary.
There was a time when October 1st hit and I went over the edge. There was Halloween, my anniversary, the cool weather, the leaves, my mom and dads anniversary—and it was one of the busiest times at work! Not enough weekends or plans or hours for errands and tasks! I never felt like I was really enjoying this sacred month.
It is now more than halfway through October, and I have to admit that it has been the most action packed, exciting and delicious one so far. Not only have I done a laundry list of fun and fabulous things, but I’ve done them at my pace either alone or with people I care about and with no self constructed monkey on my back.
I don’t think that I’ve ever been this content—all the way to my bones. Sure, there is this and that I should be doing, sleeping more for one. I have problems, not so small, nagging at me. But, the end total is serenity. I’ve never been so in the present, so relaxed, so clear.
Even when I went into a panic this morning, when I realized that I was utterly alone on the trail, it wasn’t a panic that maintained control. The noise that rose up in my brain quickly subsided and I heard the blue jays and the titmouse.
That was when I knew that it was all going to be okay.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
random stuff...
things racing around my head this morning...
john mccain says folks so much i've got a tick.
a women called in to a radio show, said she works for the death star (wal-mart) and that a bunch of people she works with are going to vote for sarah palin cuz she's purdy. that repulses me.
i'm thinking about signing up my cat for radioiodine treatment because i can't afford his damn meds, and i've read that it's a great treatment for hyperthyroidism. but that whole radio active element is a little concerning.
i accidentally became the center of my weight watchers meeting because i achieved a goal and spilled it that i've lost nearly 70 pounds, i'm 5 pounds from my goal and my reward to myself is a stupidly expensive belly dance costume. good gawd, they asked me to wear it for them and dance.
there are entirely too many things on my list to do, and i'm becoming a chronic procrastinator.
i'm looking at the envelope that holds the statement of my pathetic, measly investments and i'm going to file it without opening it.
"they" say the democrats are fighting back, but i haven't heard it and i'd really, really like to.
i'm really miffed that there were rumblings about the AIG junket, but they gave them more and i've not heard any more about getting paid back for that little fiasco.
and now, i desperately need to clean my apartment.
john mccain says folks so much i've got a tick.
a women called in to a radio show, said she works for the death star (wal-mart) and that a bunch of people she works with are going to vote for sarah palin cuz she's purdy. that repulses me.
i'm thinking about signing up my cat for radioiodine treatment because i can't afford his damn meds, and i've read that it's a great treatment for hyperthyroidism. but that whole radio active element is a little concerning.
i accidentally became the center of my weight watchers meeting because i achieved a goal and spilled it that i've lost nearly 70 pounds, i'm 5 pounds from my goal and my reward to myself is a stupidly expensive belly dance costume. good gawd, they asked me to wear it for them and dance.
there are entirely too many things on my list to do, and i'm becoming a chronic procrastinator.
i'm looking at the envelope that holds the statement of my pathetic, measly investments and i'm going to file it without opening it.
"they" say the democrats are fighting back, but i haven't heard it and i'd really, really like to.
i'm really miffed that there were rumblings about the AIG junket, but they gave them more and i've not heard any more about getting paid back for that little fiasco.
and now, i desperately need to clean my apartment.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Figure drawing in 10 minutes sketches
from figure drawing--these are a couple 10 minutes sketches of our model, eric, at the end of week seven.
the pretty woman dress...
On June 30, 2006, I blogged that I’d lost 27 pounds and was walking around in some fat girls pants.
Today, October 8, 2008, I’ve lost 65 pounds and changed every single thing in my life twice.
I’m still 7 pounds from my goal. I took nearly a year off, gained 15 back and had to loose it again. But, that’s just the small potatoes.
I still don’t recognize myself walking by a mirror. I still go straight to Lane Bryant in the mall only to feel like a misfit when everything is too big.
I cannot speak for others, but for me, after a lifetime of shopping in the plus sizes, I feel completely lost and obvious in a store where the biggest size is 16. In fact, I look a little like a seven year old in a haunted house… utterly terrified.
Don’t get me wrong—I’m happy to be here and not complaining. I’m still getting used to the new me.
I have always romanticized the hell out of the movie Pretty Woman. I adore Julia Roberts' character, and well, that is my deep-rooted Cinderella story.
In the movie, Vivian wears a brown and white polka dotted dress that I think is fabulous. (click this blog title to see it.) When I would go shopping, I always looked for a dress like it, but never could find one that fit—you know where this is headed.
A few months ago, I saw this sassy little brown and white polka dotted dress and I got all dreamy. It looked just like the now mythic dress. On a lark, I took it into the dressing room. It didn’t just fit; it fit like Cinderella’s glass slipper.
I stood in that Macy’s dressing room and I cried.
I didn’t buy the dress. All I needed was that moment. My very own Pretty Woman moment right there in that tiny dressing room.
I learned that day that absolutely anything is possible--including me shopping at Ann Taylor Loft if I feel so inclined.
Today, October 8, 2008, I’ve lost 65 pounds and changed every single thing in my life twice.
I’m still 7 pounds from my goal. I took nearly a year off, gained 15 back and had to loose it again. But, that’s just the small potatoes.
I still don’t recognize myself walking by a mirror. I still go straight to Lane Bryant in the mall only to feel like a misfit when everything is too big.
I cannot speak for others, but for me, after a lifetime of shopping in the plus sizes, I feel completely lost and obvious in a store where the biggest size is 16. In fact, I look a little like a seven year old in a haunted house… utterly terrified.
Don’t get me wrong—I’m happy to be here and not complaining. I’m still getting used to the new me.
I have always romanticized the hell out of the movie Pretty Woman. I adore Julia Roberts' character, and well, that is my deep-rooted Cinderella story.
In the movie, Vivian wears a brown and white polka dotted dress that I think is fabulous. (click this blog title to see it.) When I would go shopping, I always looked for a dress like it, but never could find one that fit—you know where this is headed.
A few months ago, I saw this sassy little brown and white polka dotted dress and I got all dreamy. It looked just like the now mythic dress. On a lark, I took it into the dressing room. It didn’t just fit; it fit like Cinderella’s glass slipper.
I stood in that Macy’s dressing room and I cried.
I didn’t buy the dress. All I needed was that moment. My very own Pretty Woman moment right there in that tiny dressing room.
I learned that day that absolutely anything is possible--including me shopping at Ann Taylor Loft if I feel so inclined.
Monday, October 06, 2008
quote of the day
in regards to Sarah Palin's antics yesterday suggesting Obama is "palling around" with terriorists, Margo Howard said...
"Well, I’ll tell you what I see: a loud-mouth, loose-lipped nobody who is drunk on media attention and a quart low in the judgment department. I think both she and her aged "maverick" buddy owe Mr. Obama an apology for this one."
oh... that made my toes tingle... (click the blog entry title to read the whole beautiful column.)
"Well, I’ll tell you what I see: a loud-mouth, loose-lipped nobody who is drunk on media attention and a quart low in the judgment department. I think both she and her aged "maverick" buddy owe Mr. Obama an apology for this one."
oh... that made my toes tingle... (click the blog entry title to read the whole beautiful column.)
Sunday, October 05, 2008
big week for the female genes...
this year, i've tracked the moments of my life with a library of congress calendar called women who dare.
every sunday, i like to read the schnibbits on women's accomplishments throughout history. they are gentle weekly reminders to me that if i want to make that difference, whether subtle or spectacular, sitting on my laurels will not help me accomplish my dreams.
i thought that this week was worth sharing. many things to contemplate...
this weeks profile was a nice biography of Sally Ride describing her accomplishments as an astronaut, physicist and educator.
and the daily notables with my activities following...
monday... congress passes the equal credit opportunity act, i had belly dance class with an extensive conversation on the origins of the belly dance movement in the US.
tuesday... Angie Dickinson's birthday... figure drawing class.
wednesday... Julie Andrew's birthday... saw Ani DiFranco and thus a girl dream achieved.
thursday... one of my hero's Annie Leibovitz's birthday... Sarah Palin and Joe Biden vp debates (i spent two hours cringing and contemplating the phrase, "you've come a long way, baby").
friday... Emily Post's birthday... i caught up on some sleep.
saturday... Anne Rice's birthday (another of my heroes)... spend the day with one of my best friends and her daughter at mobot, and spent the evening in the company of the most charming and witty man.
sunday... Maya Lin's birthday... my options are open and the page is blank.
upon review, i think it's been a stellar, telling and complex week on the whole.
every sunday, i like to read the schnibbits on women's accomplishments throughout history. they are gentle weekly reminders to me that if i want to make that difference, whether subtle or spectacular, sitting on my laurels will not help me accomplish my dreams.
i thought that this week was worth sharing. many things to contemplate...
this weeks profile was a nice biography of Sally Ride describing her accomplishments as an astronaut, physicist and educator.
and the daily notables with my activities following...
monday... congress passes the equal credit opportunity act, i had belly dance class with an extensive conversation on the origins of the belly dance movement in the US.
tuesday... Angie Dickinson's birthday... figure drawing class.
wednesday... Julie Andrew's birthday... saw Ani DiFranco and thus a girl dream achieved.
thursday... one of my hero's Annie Leibovitz's birthday... Sarah Palin and Joe Biden vp debates (i spent two hours cringing and contemplating the phrase, "you've come a long way, baby").
friday... Emily Post's birthday... i caught up on some sleep.
saturday... Anne Rice's birthday (another of my heroes)... spend the day with one of my best friends and her daughter at mobot, and spent the evening in the company of the most charming and witty man.
sunday... Maya Lin's birthday... my options are open and the page is blank.
upon review, i think it's been a stellar, telling and complex week on the whole.
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