finally, a naked man i can live with.

it took a month and nearly two pads of newsprint, but finally, i drew a model to my own satisfaction. oh, i'd make changes and if i had it here right this second with an eraser near by, i'd be busy screwing it up royally.

i've been approaching my lines as if they were law. the first ones were light and unsure. things get darker, but they were still an outline. no depth, no shadows, no fluidity.

tonight, we moved into ten minute poses. the teacher announced that he'd be standing with each of us for a whole pose. i was crushed and horrified. of course, i was second. after getting called out for not knowing the definition of a word, here i was being scrutinized on my timid lines.

"it's utterly unnerving to have you stand behind me," i declared.

bob took my charcoal and said "what am i looking for?"

"angle of the pelvic girdle, shoulder and vertebrae," i muttered. and with that, all hell broke loose. bob's hand circled and hesitated, but never left the paper. in less than five minutes he had created a beautiful sketch with every marker and extraordinary movement.

he turned and said, 'i hope that helps." i stood there with my mouth agape.

for five minutes i traced my fingers along the lines, glancing at the model and returning to the definition and shading. i noted the random lines and studied how his hand had deftly worked inside the figure--a phrase i only just that moment truly understood.

with the next pose, i reminded my hands not to be uptight... to brush the paper without fear. i tried circles and then striking lines. i saw sharp shoulders and improved pelvic markers. but, it was still an outline.

three sketches later, my hands were loose. the crayon was brushing and swishing and striking with strokes that seemed to have no reason. i watched the model's back hunch and his ankles emerge from swift marks. no outline this. there were shadows and there was weight on the inside.

just before the buzzer... "yes! that's better! good!" chirped bob. i caught my breath... by gosh, it was much better.

as i packed up my charcoal, my mates stopped to compliment and i crossed yet another bridge. i finally felt like i belonged among them; not a poser or an interloper, but a real student.

i have a long way to go, but at least i have finally found the road.