I got a taste of paradise...

let's start the day, shall we?

heavy gun metal gray clouds, girl with a hint of an attitude, sunroof open, doing eighty dodging cars like there's a prize at the end of the line. ipod playing heaven can wait, a smooth meatloaf classic with beautiful piano and strings.... the girl singing along.... over and over...

And I know that I've been released
But I don't know to where
And nobodys gonna tell me now
And I don't really care

yeah, heaven can wait till five o'clock....

eight little words...

Every time we choose safety, we reinforce fear. -- Cheri Huber

that's saying a lot in eight little words.

this quote clicks with me, and i suspect that i'm going to be repeating it to myself quite a bit to bolster my courage.

my intentions are growing and my ideas are finally beginning to take form.

no front of my life has survived the first month and a half of 09 without a major overhaul, and i suspect i've not seen the end of it. i've spent weeks trying to figure out how to salvage and piece back together. but, what i've been doing has been trying to claw my way back to safety. i'm beginning to see that safety is an illusion.

there are many things about myself that i'm not going to change. but, i'm very curious about how i'm going to evolve.

more than one person has recently suggested that we meet people for a reason and that reason isn't always what we thought. i've met many people over the last several months that have had very specific and pointed effects on my life and my growth. i appreciate each one of them and hope that i've been an equally positive influence in some way for them. after all, i believe we learn our greatest lessons from each other.

and it is with that thought, and the quote mentioned above, that i move forward. there are many questions around me, but there are also some things that i know i want.

i've felt false security. i've watched the walls crash down around me.

i've had enough of fear.

what i've learned about lately...

DSC04450, originally uploaded by MisfitHue.

in the past couple of years, i've discovered just how beautiful the human body truly is.

all the stories that our body tells; it's a shame that we are not more proud of them, in my most humble opinion.

from belly dancing, to drawing nude models, to photographing people unaware--i've realized we are each a wonder. i don't really know what triggered this for me, but i've never been so comfortable with my own body or appreciative of others around me. it's a gift that i wish i'd have received years ago, but am grateful to have today.

here is a link to my naughti gras 09 photos.

focus, focus, wha?

i can't focus. i don't know why and it's driving me out of my mind.

i have books everywhere that i want to read.

i have two fantastic photography classes.

i have a cool project on my desk at work.

i have research to do and people to email.

i have some cool shit potentially brewing.

but nothing is getting done.

and it's been like this for too long. my distraction is exhausting and beginning to freak me out. i've always been insanely focused, but about four years ago, i noticed that wasn't going so well for me. i've been on a steady decline, but able to gimp along with brief stretches of focus. however, this past month has begun to scare me.

all i want is for a few things to settle down in my life. i need a little routine. please, keeper of the universe, stop yanking my chain. just about the time that i feel like i'm going to get that steady feeling again... the one that makes me feel balanced and ready to conquer the world... a piano falls on my head.

it's getting depressing.

i don't want to talk about it. i want some terra firma. i want to get my groove back.

but, i've tried all of my regular tricks... made lists, cleared my schedule, exercised, meditated, yoga, made friends, readjusted my goals... and where am i?

we are the weird ones...

We Are the Weird Ones:
The Creed of the Coffee Achievers


we are the weird ones,
the nightmares of many,
we terrorize your cafes,
burger joints,
greasy spoons,
and nice restaurants
with a valet.
we are the ones you point out
to your young and say,
“if you ever-
don’t you ever
bring home something like that!”
why do you say that?
because we don’t fit in.
we are the warriors,
the street kids,
the dreamers,
the abused,
the idealists,
the loners,
the young...
we are the ones with some answers,
if only you’d listen.
so, we are loud,
a little obnoxious,
we only give you what you pay for.
we are hardened, street-wise, and
yes, smart-aleck.
we thank you.
because without you,
there could be no us.
we are your children,
we are your future.

we are the weird ones,
the nightmares of many.


Leather Davies
1987

congratulations are in order....

just want to send a shout out to Mark Phillips and Karen Howard... congratulations on your engagement!

the bride-to-be was completely surprised and confused when Mark fell to one knee and made the official proposal. nice job, Mark-O! it isn't easy to catch Karen off guard. ;-)

the couple is planning a trip to Maui where they will make it all nice and legal on April 2.

the jewel train...

i decided to stop at the best buy on my way home last night. as i was pulling in to the parking lot, i was listening to jewel's you were meant for me on the radio. now, jewel was a phenomenon that happened around me, barely touching me. i'd heard she could yodel, and i knew all the guys were dying over her. but, it was the mid 90's and i was busy. i sort of missed the jewel train.

so, there i was in the parking lot with tears rolling down my cheeks like i'm hearing this damn song for the very first time and it just registered. (let's all keep in mind that i cry over a good nfl commercial.) but, nonetheless, i decided that i needed to look into this girl that everyone said i'd love and i never had the time to give a passing glance.

this link is a concert in 06. sure you know this, but i think she sounds much better than she ever did when i remember her. plus, she's grown up and that makes everyone interesting.

red cars are everywhere...

once you buy a red car, red cars are everywhere. you know this phenomenon.

i met someone from Canada last year and suddenly Canada had taken over. i couldn't get to work in the morning without Canada showing up on a billboard, in a news update, in a gossip rant on a comedian, from where else? every six months or so, i sit down and watch a sitcom. take a wild guess what the story line was about on a perfectly random night?

i realized very quickly just how little i knew about Canada, which is utterly ridiculous and unacceptable. for pete's sake, i knew more about Mexico, and frankly, that just baffled me. so, i started paying attention.

one thing i've learned that bothers me even more than my own ignorance is "our" general ignorance and disrespect for the countries that border us. my latest grimace occurred tonight. i was on my way home listening to the hockey game and they cut back from a commercial just in time for the last line of the Canadian national anthem before the American national anthem. that felt unbelievably rude.

why is it that we cannot seem to treat our neighbors with respect? from our cube neighbors, to our upstairs neighbors, to our world neighbors?

it seems to me that the least we could do is skip a commercial for an suv and play the whole Canadian anthem before the game. you know, it is actually a beautiful song.

but, that's just me, and i see one hell of a lot of red cars around.

and just in case you don't know it... i happen to like this clip.

come with me...

i don't know why, but this song melts my heart. it's probably one of five songs i can get on not only one note, but in .3 seconds. i'm not a fan of robert plant by any means which makes my swooning over this tune perplexing. imho, this is one of the greatest love songs of all time. there, you can quote me on that.

and, today is the 50th anniversary of the day the music died. staring out the window this morning, i listened to clips of buddy holly with goosebumps creeping up my arms. i remember being a young girl and my mom telling me the story. heck, i still sing chantilly lace in the shower... mom used to play "the oldies" all the time and i had a major crush on ritchie. it was a cruel tragedy, losing them. so, here's to you buddy, ritchie and j.p., you are missed as much today as the night you got on that plan. thanks for all the music...

Be Not So Fearful...

i needed this today and in case you do too...


from Wilco

Be not so nervous
Be not so frail
Someone watches you
You won't fail

Be not so nervous
Be not so frail
Be not so nervous
Be not so frail

Be not so sorry
For what you have done
You must forget them now
It's done

And when you wake up
You will find that you can run
Be not so sorry
For what you have done

Be not so fearful
Be not so pale
Someone watches you
You won't leave the rails

Be not so fearful
Be not so pale
Be not so fearful
Be not so pale

You must forget them now
It's done

And when you wake up
You will find that you can run
Be not so sorry
For what you have done

Be not so sorry
For what you have done